HA.HA.HA… Guess who’s back? Correct! (Walking- talking piece of embarrassment).
You know
lately when I meet people they ask me in the sweetest tone possible, ‘Why do
you always embarrass yourself socially? Why can’t you speak good about
yourself? Are you suffering from depression?’ and I am like- Dude! I am a
weirdo and there’s a legit explanation to why I am such an embarrassment. So
before someone else pin points these beautifully pathetic flaws of mine, I
thought of making a content out of it.
*Prior
apologies for being extremely self centric (female doggie)*
Moving on
with WHY AM I AN EMBARRASSMENT?.. Lehhh go !
1.
I FALL/FELL (not Eiffel ha. That’s in Paris –hehe jaaukks, swaari):
I swear I
fall at every freaking place. Be it falling from a bicycle, train, at the
airport, in the college, off the stairs, school corridor, bathroom, off the
bed- Oh Christ! And mind you this
happens when there are other people around me like friends, boyfriend,
relatives, strangers and they are like – ‘tu aaise kaise girr gayi? Aaise kon
girrta hai bey?’(wow, aab girrne ke bhi types hote hai).
Speaking of which,
most remarkable fall of all times was when I fell off a scooter..which was
stationery..not moving at all.. was about to give chumma to my ‘the then honey
bun’ (you know who should not be named)and then.. thhaaddd he fell (meri
vajhese).. usske upar scooter and lastly cherry on the top..ME. (I gave
‘FALLING IN LOVE’ a whole new meaning).
This – me
falling scene, happens on a daily basis. Especially when I am running late, walking
slowly and performing art of skipping a stair or two at a time. So… time miley
toh aana kabhi free show dekhne okay?
2.
I AM A CLUMSY PERSON:
You know
there are times when you are writing your paper in dead silence and some freak
decides to drop a water bottle, a scale, a rubber/pencil/aaee pen ka dhakkan
girra hai de na.. every now and then? Yeah.. that’s me!
If there’s
any award for bumping into random people, bruising a person’s foot by stepping
onto it, dropping the cell phone with the back cover and battery dismantling
itself out of the body, sending a snap to the wrong person- it should be
undoubtedly given to me. Hell yeah!
3.
I CRY IN MOVIES:
For those of
you who are new to this side of me.. welcome! First row..middle seat from the
top, enjoy the show.
This is the
only reason that I have been going to movies all alone because whenever I am
accompanied by anybody, ‘Iss mein rone jaisa kya tha?.. aare chup hoja meri
maa.. sab dekh rahe hai.. make up kharab ho jayega.. stop crying! orelse I’ll
call the boggie monster.. police kaka gheun janar ha tula’. Basically, I cry
like a cranky little kid and the person sitting next to me has a job of sacrificing
his/her movie and calm the crying me.
4.
I AM A LOUD SPEAKER:
My father
has this one patent dialogue of his – ‘Don’t raise your voice, improve your
argument’. Why? Why? Why do you misinterpret between me having a high pitch
tone and me having an argument? I cannot whisper. Even if I am the person who
gets copied from, I be in a pickle every time because the invigilator thinks I
am cheating on my test by asking for help. VOICE bro.. Haters think I do it intentionally for seeking
attention, no darling.. it comes naturally to me [speaking loudly and (not
seeking) grabbing attention *wink-wink*]
Even my
laugh is devilish. Don’t believe me? Make me laugh then.
5.
I SUCK AT MATH:
‘Uh huh!..
nai yaar Shruti! Baar baar galat equation form ho raha hai.. check kar’- me.
‘hahaha...................dude,
what’s 4+5=? …6?’
*It's not even face-palm.. It's face-ground*
There are
people who are good, better and best at math. Some are okay-ish. Some hate it.
I do not hate math but I suck at it, terribly. Too much of my pocket money
stays out of my pocket because I suck at calculating. I stare at the shopkeeper
until he makes me understand where and how much he charged for the products I bought
and even then I would doubt his mental math skills until I count it on
fingers, myself. I royally suck at math. I really do. (Fun fact: I did Abacus
till 2nd grade). Yet.
6.
I LOVE TO DANCE:
Let me
reframe this sentence. I love to dance on cheap, banjo, highly gavthi music.
Long story short- I go crazy when I hear any baarat/ganpati visarjan/dhinchak
songs. People with and around me have a really tough task in keeping me sane
while walking past these kind of scenes with high music. I hardly listen to any English
songs. My car ka audio box is mostly filled with ‘dekha hai pehli baar sajan ki
akhon mein pyar, jai jai shivshankar, baby bring it on, zhingat’ kind of songs.(Call
it a bad taste in music or eeww so tacky ..low society but I’d rather dance my
way to the destination than playing angrezi songs in the car and putting it on my
snapstory!).
7.
I SUCK AT CRACKING JOKES/ NARRATING
ANY INCIDENT:
Normal
people (humorous ones) crack a joke and everyone goes all hahaha..you are so
phunny!
Whereas,
when I crack a joke.. nobody moves a muscle.
I don’t
blame them for doing that. It’s irritating how funny a thing is in my brain
when I think of it but when I speak it, people are like.. ‘okay, barr mag?’
Same happens
when I start narrating any incident. I am a writer come on! I give precise
details. People laugh on my stupidity more than my jokes. No wonder I am single.
Yeah, I am a
crack head but hey! I have embraced it happily and so should you okay? Do not
lower yourself in your own eyes, there’s a huge difference between thinking
negatively about ourselves and self deprecating jokes. The former needs love
and acceptance. While the latter one, which is what I prefer; needs
encouragement. So if even you are a weirdo like I am.. high-five! Trust me, we
can be instant best friends!
Just go out,
experience this craziness and be called… Such-a-Bliss !
P.S: Also, Christmas is around the corner !!!
